MGD 64 - Beer for Jerks

Now, I make a point here on Failvertising to not let my opinion on a product interfere with my like or dislike of an advertisement.  However, I must make an exception.  I loooove beer.  However, I think most mass-market beers are disgusting, with a very few exceptions. Having to drink piss-colored flavorless beers in clear bottles makes me want to beat the people who truly enjoy those beers with a lead pipe (in the conservatory. It was Colonal Mustard.)

THIS IS WHAT BEER LOOKS LIKE!!!

In my college Advertising class, we were taught that you need to make your product the 'hero' of the advertisement.  In this unfortunate ad, the hero is one of those douchey 'bros' who would be wearing a polo shirt with a popped collar if he wasn't a groomsman at this wedding.

Drink poison. Seriously.

I'd like to chat about the Best Man for a second.  He has the teeny tiniest wee glass I've ever seen.  He says it's "64 calories of Pinot Grigio" but the liquid in the class is PERFECTLY CLEAR.  (I aso think guys who drink white wine are generally assholes, but I digress.) 

Yummy Pinot Grigio?

The question for me is who the holy hell orders a specific calorie count for their drink? That's the point of these commercials, right? "Since you're ordering a specific calorie content of a beverage, why not have this pissy sucky beer that has the exact calorie content that you desire!"  Why do you need PRECISELY 64 calories of a beverage?  Sweet Zombie Jesus, if you can ONLY have 64 calories of a beverage, maybe you should rethink your nutrition plan.

 

You rang?

I think we're all thinking the same thing: NO ONE ORDERS BEVERAGES BY THE CALORIE COUNT.  You have to order what you want in the correct unit. It's one of the more important aspects of requesting goods from vendors. You're never going to ask for six cups of porterhouse.  No one wants you to pick up seventeen ounces of donuts.  If you need 8 pounds of milk, that's at least east to calculate (it's a gallon) since, as Alton brown taught us, a pint's a pound the world around.

You WILL watch my show and you WILL learn useful shit!

The icing on the cake here is our douchebro hero saying how MGD 64 is only 64 calories (Oh really? I *totally* give a shit about how caloric your beer is!) and then starts clanking his knife on his beer bottle so hard I swear it should shatter and leave his hand a bloody stump.  The noise his bottle makes is louder than the NYSE opening bell.  If the Liberty Bell could make a sound, it would be the noise this bottle makes.

Sorry, MGD 64. I was kind of with you and your toolbox assumption that people want to drink Diet Beer, but your fakey fake fake bottle clanging lost me.